


𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. keiji akaashi

by ERINTAROUS



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERINTAROUS/pseuds/ERINTAROUS
Summary: ❝kiss me now.❞ ╱ 𝘆/𝗻 𝗹/𝗻 never thought she'd develop the hanahaki disease, so she asked 𝗸𝗲𝗶𝗷𝗶 𝗮𝗸𝗮𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶 to kiss her for the first and last time before she dies ◞
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Original Female Character(s), Akaashi Keiji/Reader
Kudos: 37





	𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. keiji akaashi

**Author's Note:**

> hello! first off, this fic is inspired by Mika Nakashima's song, "Kiss Of Death". this is also published in my Wattpad account but i decided to publish it here and this is much more edited! i hope you enjoy this, thank you so much. :)

_Dear Diary,_

_Keiji Akaashi. How can someone look so ethereal? I feel like I'm actually falling in love with him, but I don't know if I should confess it to him or just keep my feelings to myself to avoid getting rejected. But... what if someone confesses to him, and he accepts it? Wahhh, this is so complicated. Anyway, I'll be hanging out with Koutarou today! and he said he'll tag Akaashi along, isn't that great?_

* * *

Y/N watched Akaashi playing volleyball with his team as she held her diary tightly, admiring his looks as well as his skills in the sport.

_'He's so... beautiful.'_

She already knew him back when he was a first-year, but never had the courage to talk to him. The first time she saw him though, she instantly had a thing for him. I mean, who wouldn't like someone as beautiful as him?

"Y/N!!!" she heard Bokuto calling out her name. "Hey hey hey! Were you waiting for me?" He asked as he walked towards her.

She hummed, "Are you done with practice?"

"Yep! Oh," He turned around, "Akaashi, come here!"

She leaned back in shock, eyes widening, "Koutarou, wai-"

The black-haired male turned his head and walked towards the both of them as a blush crept up to her cheeks. "Bokuto-san, what is it?"

"This is my friend, Y/N L/N! I always forget to introduce you to her, but she's my childhood friend!"

"Oh," He looked at her, flashing a small smile. "Hello, I'm Keiji Akaashi."

"H-Hi... Akaashi." She smiled back awkwardly. It was the first time his name rolled off her tongue.

"By the way Akaashi, you're still free later right?" He asked, and the male nodded. "Alright then! I'll just get my bag in the locker room. I'll be quick!" Then the owl dashed away, leaving Y/N alone with her crush. She sweat-dropped as she held her diary tighter and looked the other way.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Akaashi drinking water from his bottle and after that, he said, "I hope we can spend time together in the future, L/N."

It shocked her that he said that out of nowhere, so of course, if possible, she blushed even more. "Y-Yeah! Me too, Akaashi."

And so, the two of them sat quietly, waiting for Bokuto.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I had fun with the two of them today! Akaashi may seem apathetic, but he's actually really fun to be with! I'm so happy!!! Koutarou already went home (he had something to do), and Akaashi is buying ice cream for the two of us... he's so kind. Our homes aren't that far from each other, too!!_

* * *

Y/N smiled softly as she thought of other things to write in her diary, not even realizing Akaashi was walking up to her.

"L/N?"

She flinched, closing her diary immediately. Looking up, she saw Akaashi handing her an ice cream. "T-Thank you!"

He nodded, "No problem, do you want me to walk you home?"

"Sure, I'd like that."

As she walked back home with him silently, a girl walked past the both of them. Y/N followed Akaashi's gaze as he stopped his tracks, staring at her.

_He's definitely captivated by her beauty._

She felt a pang in her heart, looking down on her unfinished ice cream as her eyebrows furrowed. "A-Akaashi-"

"Sorry, I thought I saw someone familiar. I think I've seen her in school before." He said as he continued walking.

"Oh..."

"Anyway, we have a match with Nekoma tomorrow. Are you gonna watch?" He asked.

Her eyes lit up, looking at him. "Of course! I can't miss that!"

He let out a soft chuckle. "I hope Bokuto-san doesn't enter his emo mode again."

"I hope so too, even if it's hilarious." She said as she smiled, remembering the owl's dejected mode.

And it was quiet again, yet she couldn't stop thinking about Akaashi's look when he stared at the girl. Who was that girl anyway? What made him interested in her? Well, the girl was really beautiful, and her delicate features were unneglectable.

Y/N didn't want to think he might be interested in her, yet she does. Even if Akaashi starts to like that girl, she wouldn't bring herself to hate her.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I always think about the girl he was staring at yesterday. I don't know, I don't want to feel bad about it but I do... Anyway, they have a match with Nekoma today after classes, and I gotta watch it! Plus, it's been so long since I saw Kuroo and his friend Kenma! (Kuroo and I met when Bokuto was having extra practice with him, and we became close / Kenma and I aren't that close like me and Kuroo are, but we talk a lot through texts in our free time. He also said he prefers calling me by my first name) Alright, gotta go now :) I'll write later!!!_

* * *

Proceeding to the Fukurodani gym, Y/N quickly spotted the ace and her beloved setter. She tried to hide her smile as she walked in, with Konoha and Sarukui greeting her. "L/N!"

She bowed at them and waved, then Koutarou ran towards her followed by Akaashi. "Hey hey hey! You'll cheer for us, won't you, Y/N?"

"Both," She stuck a tongue out and he groaned, the rest of the Fukurodani team laughing. "I haven't seen the Nekoma team in a while, you know!"

"Yeah, but you should cheer for us more, Y/NNN! You attend this school!" Koutarou pouted, Akaashi giving her an apologetic smile for his upperclassman's actions.

Sighing, she just smiled. "Mhm..."

"Nekoma is here, couch." the Fukurodani manager, Shirofuku said. Y/N turned around and saw the familiar guys who came just in, wearing their usual red jersey jackets.

"L/N!!!" Yamamoto cried out. "You get beautiful every single time!"

"Ah, thank you, Yamamoto..." She bowed at him, then she raised her head to see Kuroo smirking at her.

"Chibi-chan."

"I'm not short!" She defended, glaring at him. He just laughed and pulled Kenma beside him, while the blonde sulked.

"Kenma told me something about you, hm?" The tall, black-haired guy looked at her teasingly, and she raised her eyebrows.

"Y/N..." Kenma sighed. "Kuro accidentally saw our texts and I... I told him about your crush because he wouldn't leave me alone."

Her eyes widened, looking at Kuroo. "Please don't tell it to anyone, especially Koutarou!"

"Do I look like the type of person to spill secrets?" He asked, ruffling her H/C hair.

"Yes."

"Hah?!" Kuroo exclaimed. "I won't tell it to anyone, so your secret's safe with me! I never thought you'd fall for someone like him though. He's alright so I don't blame you."

"Right.." She nodded, and at the corner of her eye, she saw Akaashi talking to someone. She turned to look and it was the girl from last time.

The girl from yesterday who caught Akaashi's attention.

Her heart felt like it was pulling apart, and it ripped harshly when Akaashi smiled at her. Like, a really genuine smile across his face.

"Y/N? earth to Y/N." Kenma tapped her shoulders, but she didn't budge. Kuroo looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed.

"I..." she faced the two, teary-eyed. "I feel nauseous."

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I didn't watch the match between Fukurodani and Nekoma earlier. I suddenly felt nauseous... so Koutarou bought me to the clinic._  
_I feel bad for not watching it... this was the only time I got to see Kuroo, Kenma, and the others again. Honestly, I feel like there's something wrong with me. Sometimes I can't breathe properly every time I think about Akaashi and that girl. I felt like throwing up, yet I'm trying to hold it in. I hope this isn't that bad..._

* * *

Y/N closed her diary and looked out the window, heaving out a sigh. Why can't she just like someone instead of him so she wouldn't get hurt like this?

"L/N." She heard the voice she liked so much, yet the voice that caused her sorrow.

Turning around, she saw his blue eyes looking at her E/C ones. "Akaashi?"

"Bokuto-san told me to visit you." _O_ _f course, he wouldn't go here unless Koutarou told him to._

She looked away, nodding. "Oh, alright." He sat on the chair beside the bed she was sitting on. "...Sorry I couldn't watch the match earlier-"

"Hey, don't apologize," He frowned. "Your health is more important."

She smiled at him, her heart melting at his words. "Thank you... by the way Akaashi..."

"Hm?"

"Can I..." she looked down, "Can I call you 'darling'?" Once she sees his confused look, she shook her head. "It doesn't really mean anything! Uh.. you know... since we're friends...?"

_'Shit. That was a lame reason. Fuck-'_

"Sure." He chuckled. "You can just call me by my first name then, Y/N?"

Her face flushed at the way he says her first name. She beamed. "Keiji... _darling_."

She was definitely falling in love with him.

And it hurts.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_Calling Keiji 'darling' is different, but it's nice. Today is another normal day. I'll be waiting for Keiji and Koutarou at the gym, then we walk home together. I'm sorry if this is short but I gotta go to the gym! I'll write more, I promise!_

* * *

Y/N walked out of the classroom immediately as soon as she finished writing in her diary, and not minding her surroundings, she bumped into someone.

"O-oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going..." She bowed, not even bothering to look at the person's face, scared that they might insult her.

"It's alright." The person murmured in a soft voice. The H/C-haired girl looked up, and her eyes widened as she recognized the girl she bumped into.

The girl...

"U-Uhm... sorry again!" Y/N bowed once more, walking away as fast as she could but then the girl chased her.

"Wait!"

Gulping, she turned around hesitantly. "Y-yes?"

The girl smiled shyly, "Do you... do you know where Akaashi is? I've seen you hanging out with him, so I guessed that you might know where he is."

Despite the pain Y/N is feeling as she's faced with the girl Akaashi had set his eyes on, she displayed a smile and nodded. "I-I know where he is."

"Thank you so much! Oh, by the way! I'm Sayaka Hanabusa, but just call me by my first name." She grinned, bowing her head.

"I'm.. Y/N L/N."

"What a beautiful name." She said, not taking the genuine smile off her face. _S_ _ayaka's so beautiful. Sweet. Kindhearted. Definitely what Keiji would like in a girl... right?_

"Thanks. Let's go."

It wasn't long before the two arrived at the gym, the team greeting Y/N as always. She wondered where Akaashi was. The rest of the boys' faces contorted in confusion as they see an unfamiliar face beside her. "Who's this, y/n?" Koutarou tilted his head. "Oh, are you the one Akaashi's talking about?!"

Y/N bit her bottom lip.

"Ohhh, are you Akaashi's girlfriend? You're pretty!"

Hanabusa vigorously shook her head, letting out an awkward chuckle. "N-no! I'm just his friend."

Y/N clenched her fists.

"Akaashi would be so lucky to have you as his girlfriend— look at you!"

Y/N gulped harshly.

"Guys..." Keiji showed up with a deadpanned look, but as he sees Sayaka, his eyes lit up.

"Hey, 'kaashi!" She ran up to him. "Are we still going to the cafe you talked about?"

Y/N felt her throat tightening.

"Oh, right..." he rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at Y/N and Koutarou. "I won't be walking back home with the two of you today, I'll be going with Sayaka instead. Is it okay?"

"Of course! I can't believe you're going with such a beautiful girl, Akaashi!" Bokuto exclaimed, "Enjoy!"

Today wasn't a normal day _at all._

Y/N smiled bitterly, "Have fun."

* * *

After Bokuto bid Y/N goodbye and left her in the house, she closed the door and finally broke down. She let out a broken sob, finally letting out the pain she's been holding.

_'I wish I was her. I wish I was Sayaka. I wish I was the reason Keiji's eyes lit up. I wish I was the one who got Keiji mesmerized.'_

Coughing, she felt something strange. She got up and walked straight to the bathroom, and started coughing uncontrollably. She put a hand to her mouth to stop it, and when she pulled her hand away there was a pink flower petal resting on her palm, covered in blood.

"W-what the fuck..."

With her eyebrows furrowed, she continued coughing, tasting the blood. As her coughing died down, she felt tears streaming down her cheeks.

* * *

_"Y/N, how are you feeling?"_ Kenma asked on the other line, the H/C-haired girl looking down as she bit her bottom lip.

"Sick."

 _"Sick?! What happened, Y/N-chan??"_ She heard Kuroo's worried voice, making her smile slightly.

_"Kuro, sh."_

"...I started coughing uncontrollably. Honestly, I thought it was nothing but... there was a single flower petal covered with blood. I-I don't fucking know what's happening to me." Y/N stated, feeling her eyes watering. There was a moment of silence before Kuroo spoke up.

_"Y/N, have you ever heard of the Hanahaki disease?"_

_Hanahaki disease?_ Just the name of the word 'hanahaki' made her shudder, sending chills down her spine.

"N-no... what- what is that?"

"You should probably look it up... see for yourself." Kenma said in an unusually sad voice, making you frown.

After they said their goodbyes, Y/N nervously opened her laptop and typed in 'hanahaki disease'.

_Hanahaki Disease: An illness where the victim of one-sided love begins to throw or cough up the petals or flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs. it will eventually grow large enough, the patient's lungs will fill up with flowers and will eventual..._

She closed her eyes. _'Will eventually what? Die?'_ She thought, feeling her throat tightening. She opened her eyes and skimmed through the information again, and read the cure for the disease.

_Hanahaki can be cured if the person loves the victim back. Another way for it to be cured is through surgical removal of the plants' roots, but it will also remove the victim's feelings for the person they loved._

Y/N couldn't bring to read all of it, so she closed her laptop and covered her face with her hands. _S_ _he would never get it removed through surgery._

"I would just have to bear with this pain."

She chuckled dryly as she laid on her back, staring at the ceiling.

Little did Y/N know that on that very day, as Keiji and Sayaka were walking back home, the two shared a romantic kiss.

* * *

It has been a few weeks since Y/N last talked to Akaashi and she had only talked to Bokuto since then, telling him about how she doesn't feel well. She didn't tell him about the disease though.

Her condition was getting worse and she feels suffocated every passing day. It was hard to breathe, and it was tiring to cough continuously.

She walked down the halls of Fukurodani academy during lunch, and a realization hit her. S _he forgot her diary_.

_'How could I forget the one thing I always bring?...maybe because your thoughts were only filled with Akaashi and the Hanahaki disease, Y/N.'_

Panic rushed through her body as she walked her way immediately to her classroom, only to see the guy she loved so dearly outside. "Y/N."

"K-Keiji..."

He handed her the diary she owned, "You forgot it at the gym. I tried looking for you the past few weeks but I couldn't find you. So... here."

Y/N thanked him quietly and walked off, not wanting to see his beautiful face she loves so much.

She brought her hand to her mouth, coughing dryly as she tasted the metallic flavor of the blood. She looked down at the pink petals sadly.

She partly wished for him to follow her, but he never did.

Why would he?

"Y/N!" a soft voice called out, making her look up and saw the girl she desperately wanted to be.

"Sayaka." She clenched her fist and crumbled the flower petals, forcing a smile.

"Do you want to have lunch with me and 'kaashi? oh, and Bokuto as well!" Sayaka beamed, hoping Y/N would agree to her offer.

"Okay." the H/C-haired girl replied curtly. There wasn't much to say as she followed the girl to the rooftop of the school, immediately spotting Bokuto and Akaashi _,_ sitting on the bench with their foods. Sayaka immediately sat beside the black-haired male happily.

"Hey hey hey!" Koutarou greeted, waving at Y/N. "Here, have some of my lunch if you want~!"

"I'm not hungry." She answered, trying her best not to gag at the petal that was escaping her throat. Keiji furrowed his eyebrows in worry.

"Are you sure? You-"

"I'm _fine_ , I'm j-just not hungry." She snapped. She didn't mean to sound mad at Akaashi, but it just hurts. Tears welled up her eyes as she suddenly coughed, Koutarou patting her back softly.

* * *

"Keiji? Do you think there's something off about Y/N?" Sayaka asked as the two walked together back home, frowning. Akaashi just sighed.

" _Blossom_ , yes. I do. Y/N isn't usually like that."

She intertwined her hand to his, looking up at him. "Whatever happens babe, please stay by her side. I know you're a good friend to her, 'kaashi."

The black-haired male smiled, "Thanks. I love you."

Sayaka just chuckled. "I love you too."

* * *

**to: Keiji / 10:05 pm**

hey keiji, i'm sorry about earlier. i didn't mean to sound like i was mad. i'm really sorry.

—

**from: Keiji / 10:07 pm**

_Please don't apologize, Y/n. It looked like you were having a bad day. You know I'm here to listen, I'm still your 'darling'._

_—_

Y/N stared at the word 'darling' before heaving out a soft sigh. _W_ _hy are you doing this, Keiji?_

—

**to: Keiji / 10:09 pm**

haha, yeah.

it's nothing, i just don't feel well these past few days. i've been feeling sick.

it'll probably pass though.

hopefully.

—

**from: Keiji / 10:12 pm**

_I hope you get better soon, Y/n. Always take care._

_—_

Tears fell from her eyes.

—

**to: Keiji / 10:13 pm**

i will.

—

_'If only you'd love me back.'_

* * *

_Dear Diary._

_I'm literally dying. I feel like suffocating. I love Keiji... I love him so much it hurts._  
_If I had one last favor, I'd tell him to kiss me for the first and last time before i die. At least with that, I'd be able to pass away happily... So, goodbye diary._

* * *

Y/N had debated whether she'd write a letter to Akaashi or not, but in the end, she did. She was coughing uncontrollably, yet she managed to write a full letter for the male she loved.

Her mom called that day, where the H/C-haired girl only responded with continuous coughing fits. "Y/N? Oh my god, what is happening?!"

"I-I'm fine, mom." She smiled, even though her mother couldn't see her. _S_ _he's definitely not fine._

"Baby, you're not fine! Oh my..." Her mother texted Koutarou to visit Y/N immediately, and thankfully the owl was fast enough as it took 3 minutes to go to L/N's house.

"Y/N!" bokuto called out in panic, seeing her on the verge of dying as puddles of blood and pink flower petals were on the floor.

"K-Kouta..rou?" She looked up with half-lidded eyes, making Bokuto sob at your state. _H_ _is childhood friend is dying._

"H-hey, come on. We're going to the hospital, okay? Please come with me... I know you don't like hospitals but please... D-don't die on me yet..."

Y/N just nodded and let Koutarou carry her as they made their way to the hospital.

He had heard about the Hanahaki disease. _S_ _o it's true_ , he thought. He swears that he will beat the shit out of the man who broke her heart and made her like this.

* * *

_"Y/N... she.. she's in the hospital."_ Bokuto had called Akaashi who was currently in Sayaka's place. His eyes slowly widened, Sayaka looking at him curiously.

"W-what? Why..?"

The owl sighed, pacing around the hospital room nervously _. "She has a disease, Akaashi. I saw her on the verge of dying, with blood and flower petals around her. She was throwing up."_

Akaashi could feel his heart beating rapidly, as he clenched his fist. "Disease, Bokuto-san? What-"

_"Hanahaki disease."_

Hanahaki? the black-haired male rested his head on his hand. _H_ _ow could Y/N possibly develop the Hanahaki disease? And... why does he feel like it's his fault? Is it because he wasn't there for her when she began developing the disease? Or is it something more..._

Sayaka placed a hand on his shoulder, "Babe, go visit her in the hospital."

"But-"

"Please." she pleaded.

Akaashi kissed her forehead before nodding, "Okay, blossom. I'll be back as soon as I can."

_"Akaashi, could you visit Y/N? I've been here for 5 hours... my mother is getting worried so I have to ask permission to stay here and-"_

"I'm going to see her." _I_ _can't lose her. H_ e thought. But is it too late?

Saying goodbye to Sayaka, he ran out of the house and ran straight to the hospital (Bokuto told him where). he didn't care about the world, he didn't care if people looked at him weirdly as he ran, he only cares about Y/N right now. he had so many questions, Why didn't she tell him? Is this why she was avoiding him?

Just... _why?_

Once he reached the hospital, he asked for Y/N's room number. After a few floors, Akaashi finally reached her room. He nervously sighed.

Gulping, he knocked before entering Y/N's room. There she was, different tubes around her body as she laid on the bed unconscious. Bokuto was there as well, looking at him with bloodshot eyes.

"Akaashi, thank you. I'll try to come back as soon as I can." He patted his back before walking out of the room, leaving him and Y/N all alone.

He looked at her, and the sight alone made his heart squeeze in pain.

Akaashi drew in a deep breath as he walked towards her, and Y/N opened one eye, "...K-Keiji?"

"Hey... Y/N."

The H/C-haired girl let out a weak chuckle. "I'm... so happy..."

"Hm?" Akaashi hummed, blinking the tears from his eyes. "What are you so happy about? It's just me."

"Mm.. your... presence alone makes me happy..."

He nodded, smiling forcedly. "Thank you..." And she just nodded in response. "Y/N... why..?"

"W..why? O-oh..." She licked her dry lips before speaking. "You'll know.. soon..." She sighed frustratedly. She couldn't hold in her coughs anymore, so she placed her hand on her mouth, coughing up blood with pink flower petals. Akaashi noticed that immediately, making his heart ache even more. She wiped it off with a tissue that was beside her.

"...Isn't there a way to remove the disease if.. the person doesn't love you back?"

"No," Y/N shook her head. "...I don't want to... if I did, I'll lose my feelings for _him_."

"Oh." _H_ _ow insensitive of him_. Sitting down on the chair beside her, he mumbled a sorry.

"It's fine, don't worry about it.." She gave him a weak smile. "besides, I'll die soon anyway."

Akaashi's head shot up. "Y-Y/N..."

There was a moment of silence before she spoke up. "Darling... f-favor."

"What is it?"

"My mom.. probably won't make it here in japan in time... she'll probably arrive here when I'm already gone."

"Hey... please don't say that." Akaashi held her frail hand, holding back his tears from falling.

"Keiji.. could you stay with me until tomorrow?"

"Of course, Y/N. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Thank you... darling..." She flashed an enthusiastic smile despite her condition. _H_ _ow could she smile like that when she's near her death bed?_

 _'Please don't die yet.'_ Akaashi bit his lip, feeling his throat tightening. "Of course."

* * *

It was morning, and Akaashi fluttered his eyes slowly. When he realized he was in the hospital, he quickly shot his head up and looked at the H/C-haired girl, who was looking at him with half-lidded eyes. "K-Keiji..?"

"Y/N..."

"You're s-still here..."

"I told you, I'll be here when you wake up."

"I'm glad..." She coughed dryly, feeling her throat burning. Akaashi quickly grabbed tissues and helped her clean it up. "Thank you," She said, looking down. "Darling..."

"Hm?" He hummed and looked at Y/N, a single tear sliding down her face.

"I-I don't... I don't think I can handle it anymore."

Akaashi's heart dropped. "W-what?"

"Keiji, darling... o-one last favor..." She placed her hand on his cheek and caressed it lovingly. "Kiss me now."

His eyes widened, but he didn't hesitate. "...Okay."

Y/N smiled, and Akaashi slowly closed the gap between both of them, kissing her lips. He barely felt Y/N kissing back, and it hit him when her hand dropped from his cheek as he heard the heart monitor's beeping sound.

She's gone.

She's... _gone_.

He pulled away and stared at her corpse. He could taste the metallic and floral flavor from kissing her.

A lonely tear fell down his cheek as he tried to hold in his sobs. Y/N had asked him to kiss her before she passed away, and he was beyond confused but at the same time, why does he feel so much guilt?

He placed his forehead against hers, as he clenched his fists to stop himself from crying but he failed.

No words were needed to be said. There's nothing he can do to wake her up. But one thing he wished he'd said to her before she died, was how much she means to him.

Akaashi held her tightly for the first and last time, as he heard the door opening behind him. "Y-Y/N..." Bokuto choked out a sob, running towards his childhood friend. "I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry! I'm too late..."

"Bokuto-san..." Keiji whimpered, hugging the captain in attempt to comfort him. He hugged back as he cried uncontrollably.

* * *

"Akaashi, Hanabusa," Y/N's mother sighed. "Here." She handed him a notebook.

"Her... diary?" He asked and looked at Sayaka, who just nodded to him to continue.

"Yes. I can't bring myself to read it... I'll only be crying hours and hours." Her voice cracked as she stood up. "Um... I'll be going upstairs to fix her things. You can go keep it..."

"Yes, thank you Mrs. L/N." He bowed before opening Y/N's diary, while Sayaka looked away to give him space.

After flipping through the pages and reading for a while, his heart dropped when he saw his name.

—

_Keiji Akaashi. How can someone look so ethereal? I feel like I'm actually falling in love with him, but I don't know if I should confess it to him or just keep my feelings to avoid getting rejected._

_—_

_Sometimes I can't breathe properly every time I think about Akaashi and that girl._

_—_

_I'm literally dying. I feel like suffocating. I love Keiji... I love him so much it hurts._  
_If I had one last favor, I'd tell him to kiss me for the first and last time before I die. At least with that, I'd be able to pass away happily..._

_—_

The realization hit him. It was all his fault... why she was like this. He felt guilty, sad, and angry with himself, but there's nothing he can do.

Covering his mouth with his hand as tears welled up his eyes, he flipped through the last page of the diary and saw a letter. It was for him.

—

_Dear Keiji,_

_Hello darling! You know how much I love writing in my diary, but this time I wrote something for you._  
_The first time we met, I instantly fell for you. Koutarou told me lots of things about you which made me fall for you even more._  
_I never thought I'd be friends with you, and that I'd get to talk to you (thanks to Koutarou, hehe). I always wanted to approach you and confess my feelings to you, but I was... scared that you might reject me._  
_I'm glad I didn't confess my love for you, actually. I knew you were attracted to Sayaka when we were walking back home one day, so I didn't bother to tell my feelings to you. If I did... I knew you would reject me. That's why I kept my feelings to myself._  
_But one day I started coughing up flowers with droplets of blood... it was the Hanahaki disease. I tried not to pay attention to it because I didn't want to believe it would be this bad but here I am... literally decaying._  
_Keiji, please know that I love you so much, and I'm sorry for never being enough for you. I wish I was more like Sayaka, beautiful, sweet, and mesmerizing._  
_Would you ever think about us in our next life? Maybe you'd love me. Maybe you'd care more about me... but you know, I don't regret loving you. Actually, I'm grateful even though I know the consequences. I know it would hurt, and I know I would die too, yet I still love you with all my heart._  
_Please, love Sayaka with all your heart. Pour out your love for her, tell her how much you love her. I'm always happy for you, darling. She's so sweet and beautiful, I could never be like that._  
_Darling, I'm happy we met. Even if we didn't end up together, I'm happy I met someone as beautiful as you. I'm happy that you're happy with Sayaka as well._  
_Thank you for everything._  
_Goodbye._

—

"Keiji? Hey..." Sayaka looked at the black-haired male, seeing his hands shake as he gripped the letter firmly.

"Sayaka... can I... can I cry?"

She nodded, opening her arms for him. He wailed, letting out his tears as he hugged her tightly. She felt tears filling up in her eyes at Keiji's state. He was usually calm, so seeing her loved one being so hurt like this was pulling her heart apart.

Y/N's mother was behind the door of the living room, covering her mouth with her hand to refrain herself from letting out a sound. Akaashi's cries were making her heart ache even more.

* * *

Akaashi dreamed about Y/N a few days later after her funeral. He was playing with the volleyball team and he saw her outside the gym of Fukurodani, holding her diary as she stood.

"Keiji, darling!" The H/C-haired girl beamed at him.

Feeling a lump in his throat, he forced to smile back despite the agony and the guilt eating him up. "Y-Y/N..."

"Did your lips taste the kiss of death?"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this... it means a lot! please feel free to comment and i'm open to any constructive criticisms. hopefully, i will improve my writing in the future. by the way, bokuto actually had feelings for y/n :( haha thank you again, and have a great day!


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